My Life as a Super Extra Ordinary Mom

I have a secret.  I have never told myself that I am awesome.  Hard to believe?   I was conversing recently with friends and family when the topic of self-esteem came up. "What exactly is self-esteem and how do you tell someone how to increase it or obtain it if they do not have it?" I asked. "It's a state of mind," my husband responded. "It's what you tell yourself every day" our close friend chimed in. She continued by saying, "Self-esteem is telling yourself that you are awesome on a regular basis." Telling myself I am awesome regularly?  Hmmmm....I had to think for a moment.  I realized I have never viewed myself as awesome.  I mean, of course, I have viewed things that I have done as pretty good but not necessarily rising to the level of awesome.  Could this explain why high self-esteem for me has felt at times as an elusive characteristic that only others possessed? Intrigued, I looked up the definition of awesome and

I have heard the word "perfectionist" used at times to describe me.  I have repeatedly denied these claims as I do not ascribe to being a perfectionist.  I do not wake up each day and say to myself, "I am going to be perfect today."  I do, however, detest making a mistake.  What I did not realize is that I was creating a nearly impossible existence for myself and possibly for others around me, such as my children. What drives the need to avoid making a mistake?  Perhaps growing up as a performance-driven, people-pleasing child had something to do with it.  Achieving and doing well in school was something I could control.  I was involved in numerous clubs and attempted to be the best at everything.  Now as an adult, that same drive has manifested itself as a type-A personality who is seen as a perfectionist. A dear friend encouraged me to "STOP striving and start enjoying His blessings and His love." "He is NOT judging your performance,"